


Love (And Atsumu's Realizations in Regards to it)

by maebelles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cross-Posted on Twitter, Drabble, Gen, Getting Back Together, M/M, Miya Atsumu-centric, Not Beta Read, Past Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Sad Miya Atsumu, Sort Of, Supportive Miya Osamu, a really long one, as are most of my fics with him, main couple doesn't die dw, slightly edited, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maebelles/pseuds/maebelles
Summary: Atsumu learns over and over that love is difficult. But, for the first time in his life, Atsumu realizes that love is a home built from spare parts and sturdy hands, filled with Sakusa Kiyoomi and their teammates as congratulations ring throughout the wedding hall.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & MSBY Black Jackals, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	Love (And Atsumu's Realizations in Regards to it)

He kept calling. The phone rang and rang until Atsumu decided to just turn it off. No, he wouldn't answer. He doesn't _want_ to answer. At least that's what he tells himself. But with every passing minute spent in a silence that drowns him, he's unsure he's made the right choice.

Eventually Osamu shows up at his door, fist pounding harshly against the hardwood. Atsumu's gaze slowly moved to the door and he sluggishly pulled himself up after hearing Samu's yelling. This was nothing to wake the neighbors over. Atsumu said nothing after he opened the door, just watched as Osamu took in his brother's disheveled appearance, the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and the bags under his eyes. With a sigh he shouldered past Atsumu and into the kitchen, he would ask him later then. Atsumu plopped himself down in his rocking chair. He didn't have to ask his brother why he was here after all, nor what he was doing in the kitchen. Atsumu already knew. That thought probably hurt the most.

At the age of 19, Atsumu realizes for the second time in his life that love is difficult. He wishes he'd listened to Samu. Atsumu wanted to scream. He knew Samu was usually right when it came to this but he didn't want to listen. He wanted it to work, wanted to find a love that fit instead of one that made him twist himself in knots (because apparently that's what love is).

Atsumu gets a new phone.

Playing with his teammates on MSBY almost feels like playing with Samu. Atsumu enjoys what he has. It feels like a home, sturdy and strong, built from his bones and held upright by his muscles. They're living in dorms together, it helps when he has sleepless nights.Tonight is no different. He feels a familiar longing, an ache he wishes he could forget but it's branded itself into his bones, made a home in the ridges and buried itself too deep to be tugged out. But tonight he is not alone. His arms reach out and wrap around the smaller man in bed beside him. He's warm, Atsumu thinks. This must be what love is, he tells himself again and again. But Kita knows better, knows it is not what the other needs so he soon leaves, too. And the ache grows, like weeds in his body. Atsumu does not cry.

At the age of 22, Atsumu realizes for the fourth time in his life that love is difficult. He does not need to get a new phone this time. Playing with his team still feels like home. Everything is as it should be.

But Atsumu continues to ache.

Love. It's something Atsumu has felt many times for many different people. But it was never an issue. His love was layered with trust, devotion, passion, and a gentle kind of touch one wouldn't expect. So why? He pleads to the moon, to the sun, to any god that would listen. Why must it be so difficult? Why must you take away the love I have now and replace it with something artificial? It is not what he wants. Atsumu wants a real home, someone who will make it easier to breathe, rather than suffocate him to the point of pain.

Atsumu soon learns what real love is. He's found it in the form of Sakusa Kiyoomi. An anxiety riddled, mysophobic man who does not leave things unfinished. Atsumu may not admit it but he doesn't like to leave things unfinished either. They both start something they can't stop. They're in love. They are partners both on and off the court. Loving Sakusa is as easy as breathing and leaves a burning feeling of mint in Atsumu's being. Nothing is complicated or difficult. It's easy.

It's never easy for long.

Atsumu begins to suffocate. Playing with his team is supposed to feel like home, it's supposed to be _easy_. But when the challenge gets too tough, Atsumu and Kiyoomi do not pull through. They love each other still but right now they are not what the other needs. And again, Atsumu realizes that love is difficult. Love is difficult. So is playing volleyball. But it's fun and he feels at home with the ball flying across the court from a touch of his fingertips. He feels at home. Safe, protected. He is still in love, but he waits. Knows it will be worth it.

Turns out Atsumu was the only one with time to wait. Osamu visits with lunch from his eatery. It's as good as usual. The team is thankful, scarfing down their meals and Atsumu feels at home but there is an ache. It roots itself in his gut, heavy and deep before spreading through his veins and to the tips of his fingers. Osamu is right there to fill the space; the ache is gone. Atsumu has been away from his actual home for too long. Osamu heads home alone. Atsumu stays within the confines of the weakening home he's built with his bare hands, weathered down by harsh winds and storms.

This storm blows the house down completely. Unable to be held up in the hurricane that fights it. Atsumu's muscles have given out and all that's left is bone. The lot where the sturdy house once stood is now empty, bare of any life or remnants of someone living.

Atsumu had forgotten who helped build the home. He'd forgotten who had originally laid the foundation and kept the building upright when Atsumu himself could not.

_I'm sorry for your loss._

Atsumu does not feel loss. He feels an ache. An ache that burrows into his core and never leaves. It is a scar he wishes he couldn't see. Osamu, Osamu, Osamu. Atsumu cries at night, something he hasn't done since he was a boy. Osamu was home and now the lot entirely is gone. Atsumu feels an ache that doesn't subside and realizes for the last time in his life that love is difficult.

Kiyoomi is there. He is always there. They are still in love but they continue to wait. But when it all comes together, when Atsumu lays his brother to rest in a place he will have to wait to reach, when he reaches for Kiyoomi's hand without heartache.

Atsumu, at the age of 26, has his whole life ahead of him. A home he's built with his bare hands, the bones of his brother and his lover's concrete stand sturdy. When his ring matches Kiyoomi's, Atsumu realizes he doesn't ache. This love is easy, he thinks.

For the first time in his life, Atsumu realizes that love is a home built from spare parts and sturdy hands, filled with Sakusa Kiyoomi and their teammates as congratulations ring throughout the wedding hall. He is 32 when he wishes Osamu was there to celebrate with them.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a thread fic on twitter ([the thread](https://twitter.com/smtsukki/status/1281635317053747200?s=20)) but I really liked it and decided to post it here for others to enjoy :). come scream at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/smtsukki)!!


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